I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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