his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
