So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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