Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Randomize
