I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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