i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
