rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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