Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
