Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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