yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
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