They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Floor bacon is actually really good
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
