This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
