New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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