You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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