Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Randomize
