booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
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