Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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