omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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