have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
