I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
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