I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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