there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
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