dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Randomize