come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
