I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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