Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
