She's like a pop up book from hell.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
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