I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
