if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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