I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
We smell like vodka and hangover
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