i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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