yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
