if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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