Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
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