This girl is more easily done than said...
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
