It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
It's not a walk of shame if you run
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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