Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
