I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
