Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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