this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize