So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
