Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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