Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize