I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
