I wish I could teleport
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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