what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
