I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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