Taylor Swift is so right about you.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
