Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
You pole danced in your parka.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
