i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
