yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
ugly people sure do ruin things
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
did i just pee glitter
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize