it was like his penis was on wheels.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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