I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
