I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
