I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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