sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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