Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
