I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
