Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
