She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
