hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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