sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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