I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Randomize
