I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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