Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I fill condoms, not promises.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
