the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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