yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
