You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
