sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
