genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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