idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
