It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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