She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
