I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
