whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
