I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
