since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Randomize
