Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
