i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
