do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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