This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
He did a backflip because drugs
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