The maid of honor just puked.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
