I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
