Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
