Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
