I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
