They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Randomize