For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
