I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
