i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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