It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
