They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
