totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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