I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize