I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Small penises have feelings too.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
