I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
