Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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