After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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