i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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