i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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