Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
