He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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