I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I CAN MOONWALK!
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
