I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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